Coping

I think i hate myself. Today i found out that i probably have a c in history for the term and i don't think i can handle it. All of the hard work i have put in doesn't matter. All of my A's in my other classes dont make up for my c. that is all my mom is going to see. Who cares how i did in everything else? I don;t understand how she can;t see that i already punish myself enough. She is always pushing me to be perfect and im not. I can't spell. I can't get straight a's. I can't balance every fucking part of my life perfectly without help. Somehow, after 16 years of her doing my laundry, I am supposed to just know that she wants me to do it. Nothing is ever good enough. Even if i get an a in everything except this class, it doesn't matter because that is all she will see.